Up & Coming Songwriter? Doubt It...

So in the back of my brain I want to write music. I just feel like I need to find that "muse" so that it can just flow. I can sing it outloud but writing it down is where the issue comes. So maybe I need to record myself randomly making up songs so I can write them down. I have the tendency to go off topic/theme. I need to learn how to stay on the same gameplan. I need to learn how to do a lot. But idk. -shrug

A story & poem.. (Still editing)

Only change is constant in life.

Only thing promised in life is death.

Make sure you cherish every moment.

You never know when it could be your last.

Hate writing about all this love shit.

It’s so mushy and something ANYONE can write about.

With these words that are coming from my mind.

I want to explore a different side of things in life.

I want to show that not everything is about love and death.

I want to show the trials and tribulations in life.

Well more of in my daily life, and those of my friends.

Make it known that Teenagers don’t only think about love.

We think about other things as well.

We go through a lot as well.

As I sit in the park and I think about my day I see a shadow approaching. I know it’s her. I can smell the anger on her breath as she makes her way towards me. Sitting here with my eyes closed, feeling the wind in my hair, I know I can take whatever she’s going to bring to me because I know it can’t be any worse than what she did to me yesterday. She gets in front of me and starts screaming at the top of her lungs. I can see her blood boiling underneath her pale snow-like skin. I’m sitting here staring ahead and she screams at me with all her might. I feel a burning sensation on the right side of my face. I open my eyes to look at her and her hand is red. She slapped me. HER of all people. The same woman who caught her husband in the bed with me……

“How could you?!” she screamed. She says it as if this is what I wanted. This is what I asked for. I didn’t ask to be touched unwontedly for 10 years. I didn’t ask to be humiliated and betrayed by the man who I thought was my protector. But because I’m a 18 year old female I’m to blame. I want to scream so badly at her “HE’S BEEN MOLETSING ME!”, but I know it will all just fall on deaf ears. So I just shrug at her. She clearly doesn’t like it because I feel a burning sensation on the other side of my face. “WHORE! SLUT! HOMEWRECKER!” are just a few of the words she calls me besides my name. And to think, this is the same woman who birthed me. Same woman who vowed to protect me by all means. It just seems like she’s leaving me to fend for myself as if I’m a wild animal. She just walks off now. And I’m left here all alone in the park once again with the wind blowing in my hair, eyes closed, wishing this would all just go away…

I hear another steps of angry footsteps and I’m hoping she’s not coming back for more screaming. I smell that infamous Kenneth Cole Black cologne from 3 feet away. I know that tune he’s whistling. It’s him. He grabs my neck from behind and kisses me on my cheek. “Hey baby I miss you” is what he says. I just continue to sit here like a lifeless doll. I’m trying to hold back tears. He’s speaking but I’m trying my hardest to block him out. “….Miss our special nights” “…. My favorite girl” are some quotes he says. I just want him to disappear. He jerks my arm and I turn towards him. “Your not listening to me you little bitch! Your mother now knows and she’s trying to stop our nights together. You better apologize and say it wasn’t as bad as it seems or else!” I just look at him in a blank stare and nod in agreement. If he could do that to me for 10 years, I can’t even IMAGINE what the “or else” part is. He grabs my face and shoves his throat down my mouth. “I expect to see you at dinner tonight. If not, you already know the consequences”. He walked away whistling that same tune under his teeth…..

I don’t know what to do. What can I really do? Should I go and apologize to my mom just so that he can abuse me in every way imaginable? Should I run away and never speak to both of them ever again? So I think of the only thing I can do, call my best friend. I go to the payphone and call her but there's no answer. Is she ignoring me? Did my mother get to her?