Who DOESN'T wanna be in the music industy?

While making my last blog, GROUPIES, I made a phone call & it lead me to this blog.

Who DOESN'T wanna be in the music industy?

I decided to write about this for different reasons, but after getting off the phone with that person, I definitely had to make a blog about this one. Why is it that everyone and they mothers mothers wants to be in the music industry all of a sudden? Everyone's a producer, rapper,singer,engineer, a&r, etc. I'm so sick and tired of people with BARELY ANY TALENT getting away with getting a record deal. I remember when it was hard as hell to get into the industry and now it seems as if it's a piece of cake. I remember when music had meaning and worth. Now it's like you can wake up and make a song or wake up and be something. People can sit there and be GARBAGE at their "work" but yet they getting record deals and are blowing up. Are you SERIOUS?! For example, this guy me and the bestie knows claims he "raps". We went to his myspace page and it was GARBAGE. But yet he's tryna get signed. The production was horrible, it was just a hot mess! Now we had two decisions:

1. Tell him he's trash and crush all his hopes and dreams

2. Not tell him anything, just say we listened to it and hope he gets better.

Now I can't be THAT mean and go with option 1, even thought I dead serious wanted to, but I feel like you can give them pointers. I wouldn't tell him he's record label material because in my personal oppinion he isn't good enough. But once again that's my personal opinion. Yes you can say, well maybe your not helping the person by choosing the 2nd option, but at the same time, who am I to tell him he's trash when the people he's working with should tell him. But everyone's worried about the next dollar that they not gonna tell him that. SMH. I hate people like that.

But i'm about to play call of duty.. Finish this blog later! #BIEM!

Groupies, can't live with them, can't live without them..

So i'm not a pink fan, but I love the way it pops out on my black background..

But anyway, so I was sittin in the kitchen making a PB&J when I thought about a very interesting topic.

GROUPIES.

"A groupie is a person who seeks sexual and/or emotional intimacy with a celebrity or other authority figure." (via Wikipedia).

Now, if you know a celebrity or a hood celebrity or anything of the sort, you've seen a groupie or two. Now, I have no problem with groupies, IF you admit that that's what you do. Now, if your a groupie & WON'T admit that your a groupie, then we have a problem. Now I know everyone has fantasised about a celeb or two, that's not a problem. But sleeping with the celeb, his camp plus more is a problem. Going to a show, dressing slutty, NOT SEXY, because you want attention is an issue. Your gonna get attention, but not the good type of attention. Don't use your friends or family to help you get to the celeb, that's definitely not a good look at all. I'm so sick and tired of these groupie girls and guys. YES I SAID IT, Groupie guys. The men who push the girls to see another dude. The dudes who try to sleep with the Beyonce's, Rihanna's, Christina Millian's, etc. Those dudes who sit there & go hard to get that female's attention. GROUPIES.

One of the things about this term that really urks my nerves is that when your a fan of someone's music, your automatically a groupie, stan, crazy. I can LOVE someone's music, but that doesn't mean that i'm a groupie. If that's the case, everyone in this world who loves music is a groupie. SMFH. That's crazy to even think something like that. I don't like that the people who want a certain artist to grow is automatically a groupie. Especially if they met the person and think their nice. I don't understand the human brain sometimes. It kills me even more when the person who calls you a groupie is JUST LIKE YOU. Like HOW DARE YOU, YOU OF ALL PEOPLE, sit there and call ME a groupie?! Like where's ya brain? Have you looked in the mirror and said that "Damn, well if i'm calling this person a groupie, and i'm doing the same thing, then damn I must be a groupie." Nope! You wanna know why? Because people don't think like that. People don't think period. SMFH. But I was just about to get off topic, so lemme get back on it, groupies. I hate them because any bad term that comes with sleeping with a person is usually associated with a woman. We as women shouldn't be disrespected in such a manner, but it's certain females that make it hard for women to break that stereotype. It's annoying when your boyfriend says "Damn babe, stop being such a groupie." SMFH. That' urks my nerves aswell. I just want for the next years to come for us as women to break that cycle of, you can't be a fan of someone's music because if you are, your a GROUPIE.

The Man/Woman in the Mirror

So i've been thinking about a couple of things & how people act. I wonder how long it's gonna be.. Here it goes:

Why is it that peoeple can never see a person's true intentions? They say how you portray yourself is the type of people you attract. I truely believe this. That's why I tend to change up how I look, my personality, my attitude, etc. Why is it the people who sit there and flaunt what they have always wonder "Why can't I get someone who likes me for me?"

Well lets start it off:

1. You don't know who "THE REAL YOU" is.

2. Your flaunting money, aka a golddiggers Batman sign. Boy please!

3. You like the attention flaunting brings, so therefore your not trying to change you.

-Sigh. Some people will never learn. Then there's the people who claim to be one way to everyone, but we all know behind closed doors your really the person you stay talking about. I hate when people sit there and talk about a person and say "Oh I would never be like such & such" but in the same breath, you sittin there doing the same thing? WHERE THEY DO THAT AT?! I don't think I will ever understand the human race. We criticize each other and say that we will never do certain things or say certain things, but when we look back in life, we did exactly what we said we wouldn't.

I hate phony people. Wait, lemme repeat it incase you aint read it correctly the first time. I HATE PHONY PEOPLE. My thing with me is, I have the personality of your gonna like me or your gonna hate me. When it comes to working with others as far as a job or something that's gonna help me, then i'm sweet. But thats a business type of enviornment. When it's friendly, then I go into the REAL me. Now people may say thats "phony" but in the same time everyone does it. Another part of criticzing each other & we do it. But anyway, back to what I was saying, my thing is that if your gonna sit there & not like me, atleast be honest about it. I can honestly say I know someone who told me "I don't like your personality" & to this day I still respect them because they ATLEAST told me. I can't respect anyone who hides it or gives hints. I like people to be upfront with me. That's me. Yes I may get upset, but atleast I KNOW. I hate looking stupid in a situation. For example, there was this girl I used to hang with in my hood. Me & her weren't cool at first, but when I went to my highschool she was there so it was like a "Okay we're from the same hood & go the same way home, lets be friends". So we did that & people used to tell me how they didn't like her & stuff, but were the same people smiling in her face trying to be her friend. Now I told her this & she didn't believe me. Why? Because people want friends so badly that they're willing to block out all the negative stuff that people tell them. But anyway, long story short I heard she didn't like me & then I learned she didn't because of some stupid ass lame nigga. SMFH! It look a LAME nigga for you to show true colors ma? Really? Step ya life up for that one. NEXT!

From this long ass blog, I conclude that people just need to be upfront with each other. We sit there and say how much we're "real" and better than someone, when in reality, we're no better than the next Joe/Jane Schmo.

P.S. HAPPY BIRTHDAY MICHAEL JACKSON! YOU WILL BE MISSED!

Up & Coming Songwriter? Doubt It...

So in the back of my brain I want to write music. I just feel like I need to find that "muse" so that it can just flow. I can sing it outloud but writing it down is where the issue comes. So maybe I need to record myself randomly making up songs so I can write them down. I have the tendency to go off topic/theme. I need to learn how to stay on the same gameplan. I need to learn how to do a lot. But idk. -shrug

A story & poem.. (Still editing)

Only change is constant in life.

Only thing promised in life is death.

Make sure you cherish every moment.

You never know when it could be your last.

Hate writing about all this love shit.

It’s so mushy and something ANYONE can write about.

With these words that are coming from my mind.

I want to explore a different side of things in life.

I want to show that not everything is about love and death.

I want to show the trials and tribulations in life.

Well more of in my daily life, and those of my friends.

Make it known that Teenagers don’t only think about love.

We think about other things as well.

We go through a lot as well.

As I sit in the park and I think about my day I see a shadow approaching. I know it’s her. I can smell the anger on her breath as she makes her way towards me. Sitting here with my eyes closed, feeling the wind in my hair, I know I can take whatever she’s going to bring to me because I know it can’t be any worse than what she did to me yesterday. She gets in front of me and starts screaming at the top of her lungs. I can see her blood boiling underneath her pale snow-like skin. I’m sitting here staring ahead and she screams at me with all her might. I feel a burning sensation on the right side of my face. I open my eyes to look at her and her hand is red. She slapped me. HER of all people. The same woman who caught her husband in the bed with me……

“How could you?!” she screamed. She says it as if this is what I wanted. This is what I asked for. I didn’t ask to be touched unwontedly for 10 years. I didn’t ask to be humiliated and betrayed by the man who I thought was my protector. But because I’m a 18 year old female I’m to blame. I want to scream so badly at her “HE’S BEEN MOLETSING ME!”, but I know it will all just fall on deaf ears. So I just shrug at her. She clearly doesn’t like it because I feel a burning sensation on the other side of my face. “WHORE! SLUT! HOMEWRECKER!” are just a few of the words she calls me besides my name. And to think, this is the same woman who birthed me. Same woman who vowed to protect me by all means. It just seems like she’s leaving me to fend for myself as if I’m a wild animal. She just walks off now. And I’m left here all alone in the park once again with the wind blowing in my hair, eyes closed, wishing this would all just go away…

I hear another steps of angry footsteps and I’m hoping she’s not coming back for more screaming. I smell that infamous Kenneth Cole Black cologne from 3 feet away. I know that tune he’s whistling. It’s him. He grabs my neck from behind and kisses me on my cheek. “Hey baby I miss you” is what he says. I just continue to sit here like a lifeless doll. I’m trying to hold back tears. He’s speaking but I’m trying my hardest to block him out. “….Miss our special nights” “…. My favorite girl” are some quotes he says. I just want him to disappear. He jerks my arm and I turn towards him. “Your not listening to me you little bitch! Your mother now knows and she’s trying to stop our nights together. You better apologize and say it wasn’t as bad as it seems or else!” I just look at him in a blank stare and nod in agreement. If he could do that to me for 10 years, I can’t even IMAGINE what the “or else” part is. He grabs my face and shoves his throat down my mouth. “I expect to see you at dinner tonight. If not, you already know the consequences”. He walked away whistling that same tune under his teeth…..

I don’t know what to do. What can I really do? Should I go and apologize to my mom just so that he can abuse me in every way imaginable? Should I run away and never speak to both of them ever again? So I think of the only thing I can do, call my best friend. I go to the payphone and call her but there's no answer. Is she ignoring me? Did my mother get to her?

Different Thoughts...

This is just some different thoughts I wrote down in my crackberry. It's about 6 different things. Some short, some long. Enjoy:



Why do I keep putting myself in these situations knowing that the end result is me getting hurt? I said I was gonna try & be different but it ended up being a disaster just like any time before. I went into this different from anything else. Not wanting to rush things & just wanting him to like me for me but it ended up that he didn't like me for me. Now I'm going into the summer alone like most of my summers have been. This is just aggravating because I know I'm a good person, its just letting people see that. & its hard. I want that person to just chill & relax & be cool with just me & them. Be fine with my family & my bestie. But it seems as though that can't happen.


Why is it when I'm doing well. no one seems to notice, and when I'm doing bad or mediocre everyone notices? That's the most backwards thing in life. Is it because they expect so much? Like I just never got it. Maybe in their minds bashing me and telling me what I'm not doing works, but it doesn't work for me. If anything it makes me back away and say fuck you and everything you stand for. Yes, I may seem as if I'm tryna be a rebel and be all against what "the man" has to say but in all reality that's not the situation. I'm just so used to people bashing me and putting me down that I'm becoming numb, yes, I said it, numb. Its like why even waste that much of your breath for it to go in one ear and out the other? Like what purpose does it serve to you? Do you feel better about yourself? Do I complain about anyone else. Your saying "oh your not going to school yada yada yada" that doesn't do anything TO me. That's SO mediocre its not even funny. Its like talking to a brick wall. But the sad thing is that they don't see it. My guidance counselors are trying to help and I see that, but its pointless, why even waste your time trying to help when you and I both know I'm not gonna listen to you, I'm not even going to even consider everything you say, ima just take it as you attacking me. I don't wanna work at Duane Reade anymore, what's wrong with that? I don't see the issue. But you want to force me to work there. You want me to deal with the bullshit I get paid 7.40 for. I deserve a raise, but I don't get it, so why buss my ass every single time at work for some mediocre bullshit? That's what I don't get now and that's something I won't get then. Its too pointless for me to comprehend and maybe that's the issue. I can't comprehend pointless bullshit. Do I want to work on that? No, what for? Why be little myself for something pointless? Process of stupidity I tell you.



I said that I admitted that I was wrong. I said I was going to apologize. So why is it that after all of that this lady still isn't happy? She wants to embarrass me and treat me like a little kid. Yes I understand that she now sees me as a female version of Peanut but I've done more for her than peanut. She said that I was selfish about it when I opened an account for HER. Its like nothings ever good for her. Like I'm supposed to be this super kid who does everything the correct way. Does she not know that I didn't say anything because I know how she is? I know that she's not going to say yes. That's why I was trying to take it out then replace it but she found out before I could do that. I'm not saying that her reasons for being upset are wrong, I just feel like the way she's going about it isn't correct. If it was done to her then there would be an issue.


Why is it that when I drink, we're stuck in this predicament? Its like when I feel like being a spur of the moment or just doing something that's not normal, it really gets to me. It really effects me and the people around me and that's not what I want. I just want to be able to do something randomly and just have fun, not deal with drama or anything. But its never like that. Its as if I hurt those who love and care for me the most because of my stupid actions. Yes, tonight I did have sex with a random guy who I didn't even meet at the club. Maybe jay not responding was a sign for me to just go home and not do anything, but the fact that I did do something with someone who I don't even know or care for is ridiculous to me. I didn't want t, but I did it anyway. I can't call it rape because once he went in, I didn't say no or don't stop. I just kept going. And it was whack. He takes too long for me and because I wasn't into it at all, it was worse than what it should've been. This was such a disaster and I'm the one to blame. Like, I really am. I put my bestie in the predicament to call her family and wake them up knowing they have to deal with her little brother and get very little sleep. I do apologize, but when I'm getting yelled and screamed at, I can't even like deal with it. I just go blank and stare into space. Confrontation is something I need to learn to deal with and I can't. Its too much for me. I'm trying to just keep my composure and deal with it little by little but its really getting to me. It really truely is. Yes, alcohol makes you say mean and hurtful things to the people who love you the most. That's what it did to me this morning. If jamie foxx blame it never came out, I don't think people could understand. When I'm under the influence, I really don't remember what I do and I really like the alcohol get to me. And I can't even really blame anything on the alcohol bcuz the alcohol didn't put his penis in me. It didn't make me get in the car, it was all my fault, and I need to deal with that. I really feel like I just need to go back to NYC and think my life through, real talk. This isn't healthy for anyone. Especially me. I was being selfish in this situation and its not even cool.



So I don't know what I want to write on here but I'm just gonna right about whatever randomly comes to my mind and then we can just take it from there I guess. So I'm just riding the train not knowing where I wanna go yet. I kinda wanna go downtown and stuff but then again I wanna stay in Manhattan. I think I'll go to downtown by the world trade center. Why did that lady really just bump me? Was it really necessary? She clearly saw me so its not like she didn't. Stupid shit like that pisses me off. I can see why Bunny hates driving out here. Its probably the same as walking out here. Its super annoying and shit. I hate walking up this damn hill for the E train. Why it couldn't be a straight path like everything else? Was this their plan to give us a workout or something? Its clearly working. Why is there so many religious people in this train station? Why is everyone in a rush? Slow down New York! I love that in New York there's a variety of things and people here. But the only issue it that you can't do anything unless your over 21. Which means anything under is a no go. That is unless you find someone who looks just like you and is over 21. But that's kinda hard if you have a distinguished feature on your face. I love this song Successful by Drake ft Trey and Weezy. I love the beat and the lyrics. Drake is mad nice with the lyrics. I do give him that. Why do so many people get off at these same two stops? Lexington and 7th Avenue? Why are these same kids always at this train station just chillin? Like they don't have school or something. I can't complain because I used to do it. When you used to think of Brooklyn you would think bad black people, but when you ride th G train it show you something completely different. There's a lot of Europeans. Especially by my school. Speaking of my school, its cool, it annoying to keep like going there because its later in the day. And I can't really do what I want because I'm in school. But there's a positive to it so its not like I'm doing it for no reason.



Just write, freelance it. Don't think. Well think but not think about it fully. Just let it come off the top of your brain. Close your eyes, and let your fingers do the talking. He's sitting there at the side of the ice rink looking at his fellow classmates skate. He wants to get on the ice & skate with them, but he doesn't wanna look silly.


That's all of them that I wanted to share. Some are a little personal, but it's all good. I let this all out to vent & to feel better about it. =] BlackBerry Media Player: Missing You-Trey Songz

Quick Update! =]

Sorry blog fam. I know I haven't updated lately but there's nothing to really catch up on. The weather in NYC has been BEAUTIFUL this weekend and hopefully it stays this way. So today I decided I was gonna take my mom to a mother-daughter-mani-pedi day. I didn't know that she was gonna be so expensive?!?! But it's seems as if the heat brought ALL the BLAH people out! But it was nothing. I got my feet and nails done. I LOVE IT! =] I'll post some pics of it later. After that I chilled with my mom and her boyfriend and watched the game. Called my mommy visa and my auntie ten. We had a fun on the phone. I aint speak to ten in AGES! =] Now i'm here just typing to ya'll. I also found out that Trey Songz new album ready was pushed back to August 4th. Now when I first heard this I was a little upset because Trey is that dude, but I trust his decision and when he's ready he'll drop READY. =] BlackBerry Music Player: 12 Play by. R.Kelly